I feel like this point always misses that there's nothing magical about 3 story buildings that makes them denser than 6 story buildings... Somerville lacks uses other than residential and is densely built out so of course it has a high density. If you kept Somerville's street grid and built 60 floor buildings it would obviously be denser than it is now. I say this as a lefty, IDK what people's fear is of height. Like it makes zero difference to me how tall a building is. Doesn't worry me a bit. Makes more sense to focus on the material economic effects
Despite mostly hanging out in the transit threads this is actually what I'm most qualified to talk about.
Compare Lowell St in Somerville to Devonshire St in downtown. Both are ~40-50ft building to building, but they feel completely different. Lowell St feels open, light, airy, personal, and suburban. Devonshire St feels extremely urban, a bit cramped and claustrophobic, rather anonymous, and at times a bit dark. Clearly the height of the buildings makes a difference. The new urbanist/academic perspective that you'll hear from the works of Jane Jacobs and Jan Gehl for example says there are a couple things going on here, one specific and one general.
The specific thing is that one street has a larger width to building height ratio. The bigger that ratio, the more cramped and boxed in it feels. There's loads of debate about what ratio is optimal but it's not hard to demonstrate the general principle for yourself just by going to places with different ratios.
The general thing is that one of these places is outside the human scale. This is
the central idea to Jacobs/Gehl's works. When you look up at a 50 story building you feel small and unimportant. This world is a lot bigger than you, and if we're being cynical/authoritarian about it, you're just a cog in the machine, not an individual. (See Fascist and Socialist Realist architecture). When you're on a street filled with buildings that aren't
that much bigger than you, only a few stories, you feel more individualized and have more perceived agency. This has been debated plenty but in my personal opinion I don't think it's a coincidence that a condo or apartment is seen as 'not fit' for starting a family while a small detached house or townhouse is perfect for that. A piece that I would add is that I think having an individual front door that leads out onto the street is important for promoting a sense of ownership, and that having a public-facing space to decorate individually also adds character to the built environment. Beyond 4 stories that really stops being possible. This style of development generally combines quite well with courtyards, green streets, and 'micro-parks' as well as being able to offer private sheds and small back gardens for the ground floor units even while maintaing significant density.
That's not to say there's no place for taller buildings, there clearly is. Students, young couples, single urban professionals, etc. are some groups that are likely to not care about apartment vs smaller MFH vs SFH living. For some people a dwelling is a dwelling. A good way to balance that is with the age-old 'corners strategy' where the streets are mainly rowhouses or triple deckers, with larger buildings on the corners for apartments (preferably with another use on the ground floor). A good chunk of New York is built out like this and it works quite well.
For another example, here's a street I used to live on. The street is mainly low/mid rise townhouses and apartments. Some in the 'everybody gets a front door' style but mostly in the condo archetype with a single front door and then a staircase up to each unit. At each end there are taller blocks of apartments with one indeed being located above a supermarket. (I will say that this street benefits a lot from the open park space, if you want a more representative example you can hop one street over to the Zaagmuldersweg.) Or you can go the other way to see more traditional row-houses that are not quite as dense.