I'll top that...kind of. A couple of my friends were riding the redline when the obese women in front of them, possibly drunk, took out a water bottle and started pouring it over her head. She then proceeds to rub her ummm private while yelling out "Oh my p*ssy is so hot." She then threw the bottle down the car. Glad I wasn't there to see it though.
I had a similar experience once one on the B line. A scandalously dressed, fifty-something woman was sitting in a seat in front of a 10-year-old boy and his Dad. I noticed her continually turning to glare at him. She seemed mentally ill and was
very creepy - she was filled with rage and muttering curses. All of a sudden she stood up, turned toward the boy, put her right leg on the back of her seat and started to masturbate
angrily. It was one of the most shocking things I've ever seen. We all just bailed to the back of the car.
My Rules (aside from keeping things clean for the kids):
1) Don't sit on the outer seat of a two-seat bench and make people crawl over you to fill the orphaned empty seat.
2) Don't apply your make-up. The subway is not your bathroom. If you care enough about the people you work with to make yourself up for them, how little do you care about your fellow riders that you will subject them to watching you trowel on your products?
3) Don't stop at the top of the escalator to figure out where your are. Walk to the nearest map or take 10 paces and step to the side.