What if archboston.com was a town?

The archBoston government would look like this:

Emperor For Life: Ablarc
President: Briv
Vice President/Transportation Secretary: Van
Historical Commission: Lurker, Itchy
Attorney General/Town Drunk: TobyJug
Cultural Secretary: Ron Newman
Planning Dept Director: Ned Flaherty (reports directly to Briv)
Highway Dept Director (currently unfunded): Mark02474

I may add more to this as I think about it.
 
statler said:
The archBoston government would look like this:

Emperor For Life: Ablarc
President: Briv
Vice President/Transportation Secretary: Van
Historical Commission: Lurker, Itchy
Attorney General/Town Drunk: TobyJug
Cultural Secretary: Ron Newman
Planning Dept Director: Ned Flaherty (reports directly to Briv)
Highway Dept Director (currently unfunded): Mark02474

I may add more to this as I think about it.
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why is the AG the town drunk. that can't be good
 
You gotta know Toby (or at least his online persona). He is lawyer with a fondness for the spirits.

He doesn't post too much, but when he does it is usually pure gold.

He is also a dog.
 
statler said:
You gotta know Toby (or at least his online persona). He is lawyer with a fondness for the spirits.

He doesn't post too much, but when he does it is usually pure gold.

He is also a dog.
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umm
 
ArchBoston City Hall would have two departments: Crazy Transit Pitches and Reasonable Transit Pitches. Naturally, anything pitched to either would be built.

The cinemas show nothing but ablarc's photo slideshows.

Half the population secretly lives in the suburbs but won't admit it.

Anyone who engages in a long political fight is arrested by Van and thrown in an isolation chamber to have it out with their adversaries without bothering anyone else.

There's a very isolated neighborhood on the north side where people talk about nothing but Portland.
 
I was thinking of our more-conservative members who seem to like our city to be without any sort of poor people on the dole. I just went from there.

Also, it's a line from that '70's song - "There but for the grace of god ..."

Plus, we have to have gays; where else would I live?
 
We'd have a live stage or movie theatre every half mile, and bars open until 4 am (but only if they featured live music).
 
czsz said:
ArchBoston City Hall would have two departments: Crazy Transit Pitches and Reasonable Transit Pitches. Naturally, anything pitched to either would be built.
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Can I be in charge of the Crazy Transit Pitches Department? Please please please please please?
 
Ron Newman said:
We'd have a live stage or movie theatre every half mile, and bars open until 4 am (but only if they featured live music).
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I should think the bars would never close, since the transit system would never stop running.

Can I be in charge of the Crazy Transit Pitches Department? Please please please please please?
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I think this would be up to Dictator for Life Briv. But I'd assume F-Line might have a lock on the reasonable pitches dept.

A couple more things:

Criminal offenses include whining about emissions particulates, complaining about a lack of open space in neighborhoods without laying out copious evidence, siding with NIMBYs except in cases of historic preservation, being too negative, and being too positive.

The museums are filled entirely with skyline and construction photos.
 
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Oftentimes, innocuous mentions of mundane topics will invoke an impromptu public lecture - that is to say, an unpunctuated wikipedia reading - by Crazy Uncle Whighlander. Town officials are unable or unwilling to reverse this hallowed tradition.
 
We'd have 24/7 transit, even on Christmas, and headways would always be 10 minutes or less.

Every single street, alleyway, and arterial would have a bike lane.

Thomas Menino would be at the top of the 'exiled' list.

There would be no parking. Anywhere.

Instead of transitioning from downtown to inner burbs to suburbs to exurbs to rural, the area would simply be a sprawling downtown which instantly changes to rural farmland some distance out.

The Historical Preservation Society wouldn't actually preserve anything, it would merely dictate facadectomies for every project.

Every transit station would have retail or an entrance to a department store.

An extensive network of underground freight rail with spurs into the basements of nearly every building would revive the boxcar mode of hauling freight.

Every roof would either be a club, a pool, a park, or a farm. Any deviation will result in eco-terrorists bombing the roof with dirt and grass seed.

czsz said:
ArchBoston City Hall would have two departments: Crazy Transit Pitches and Reasonable Transit Pitches. Naturally, anything pitched to either would be built.

The cinemas show nothing but ablarc's photo slideshows.

Half the population secretly lives in the suburbs but won't admit it.

Anyone who engages in a long political fight is arrested by Van and thrown in an isolation chamber to have it out with their adversaries without bothering anyone else.

There's a very isolated neighborhood on the north side where people talk about nothing but Portland.
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Best post.
 
czsz said:
There's a very isolated neighborhood on the north side where people talk about nothing but Portland.
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The rest of that post was great too, but this is golden. I genuinely LOL'ed.
 
BostonUrbEx said:
The Historical Preservation Society wouldn't actually preserve anything, it would merely dictate facadectomies for every project.
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Not if Lurker & Itchy get the job.

Also I'd change my joke suggestion of Ned Flaherty as planning czar to the real appointment of czsz. (With the understanding that Briv will veto any attempt on his part to dissolve the Historical Preservation Society)
 
The preservationists should have no fear of me - unless they want to stand between me and any one-story commercial building or vinyl-sided triple-decker.
 
czsz said:
The museums are filled entirely with skyline and construction photos.
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That's fine as long as there are also architectural models and something akin to the BRA model of downtown, only with more detail.
 
I'm still trying to fill the Parks and Recreation Director role.

I thought about giving it to Rifleman for the irony but I'm pretty sure his first order of business would be to sell the Common and Public Garden to the highest bidder.
 
statler said:
I'm still trying to fill the Parks and Recreation Director role.

I thought about giving it to Rifleman for the irony but I'm pretty sure his first order of business would be to sell the Common and Public Garden to the highest bidder.
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What a WASTE of SPACE. Why don't we build a STADIUM there instead?????????
 
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